CHANGES!

two big announcements.

1---I lost my job, again, but am going back to work May 20th in a new field. Very excited.

2--THIS BLOG IS MOVING. Effective Monday, May 12th, you can find me at Life In Polaroid. Hope to see you there!

it's spring.

I can tell it is spring. I can tell because I want to do something new/different/smarter with my living situation. I'm staying right where I am for another year, but I have finally accepted that I am just tired of the way things are organized and laid out. So this three-day weekend, I'm going to revamp -something-. My office is in my living room. I have a feeling it will be the office. I should post pictures of the room and get suggestions. I might even be lured into putting up artwork on the walls after a number of years living here.

the big night

the Oscars are tonight. i don't know yet if i will watch or not, though i probably will simply because i want to root for Diablo Cody and Juno. that film is the primary reason i got up the gumption to work on my own screenplay and while right now i'm only four scenes in and am blocked, i still think that someday this could be it.

the screenplay is due next week. i have to find a way to glue my brain in place and write like crazy. i also need to take stock of some other school-stuff and pray my lazy fiction prof gets with the program and posts grades soon. she's literally holding up my financial aid and it is upsetting me greatly.

yesterday, some friends and i went to da Capo and had their high tea service. it is nowhere near the formality that you'd find at the Empress in Victoria, but for a small Missouri town? it was amazing. so wonderful! Fourteen dollars for a pot of delicious tea and so many wonderful tea snacks. i will definitely go back and soon. the atmosphere was quiet and lovely...and they had coffee, too! if you're ever in the greater Kansas City area...it's worth a little drive out of your way to Platte City.

today: clean house, grocery shop, do laundry, watch a movie.

-head scratch-

i keep forgetting i have this blog.

now to be clear it isn't because i'm out doing amazing things. i've been quite lazy, actually. instead, i think it's because it's just so quiet here in my world right now. the chaos of death has left and now there is stillness.

that and i'm not crafting. or taking pictures. or doing anything worth mention, really.

i aim to change that.

so, once again, i am back. be patient with me. :)

begin again

my grandfather passed away on january 5th. he was ninety-two. i traveled down to southeastern Missouri to be with my family for the funeral and some time after. for as much as my family and i clash in ways that defy explanation, it was a good experience. i got to see sides of them that i rarely see and was able to reconnect with the pieces of myself that i have pushed aside or ignored after fleeing that place eleven years ago.

in a sense, you could say i found my roots again.

i didn't take any cameras or computers. i barely took school and writing with me. i just went, as i am, and existed. i cried quite a bit. i faced down my own failings quite a bit. and when they played Taps at the funeral, i was overcome with the gravity of the heavy losses i've endured in the last decade. two loves, two friends, and three grandparents all back to back. i'd say that i broke a little in the realization, but the truth is that what actually happened was i healed.

i'm back in kansas city again. it's cold again. school and work begin again and i'm back to trying to run every morning and take care of myself. i took myself to see "Atonement" and plan to see "Cloverfield" this weekend. i'm wearing my warm vintage cardigan and i'm considering making some tea. i have a stack of script work to do and then, i might finish "Soldier's Girl" before tucking up with a book and some sleep.

the energy changed again. something in the air of the world glistened for a brief moment when i said goodbye to my grandfather. powerful progress is around the corners of my horizon. i can feel it.

resolved

New year and that means time for new resolutions. This year is going to be different, though. I'm not only going to resolve what I plan to do but also what I plan not to do. In fact, there is just something different about 2008 already. I tend to live in a space where I take things too seriously and not seriously enough at the same time. I think this is the year where I find the balance. No, find is the wrong word. This is the year I work for the balance.

Resolutions for 2008
1. Take better care of myself. This includes eating correctly, sleeping right, and getting off my damned ass. Specific goals for 2008: run a 5K, get back to being at least 75% vegetarian by the end of the year, get up with the alarm every day without hitting the snooze ten times.

2. Take better care of my world. This includes being more eco-friendly, handling money better, and actively being more socially aware. Specific goals for 2008: pay off all of my credit cards, save a minimum of $1000 by the end of the year, and use my cloth grocery sacks every trip to the store.

3. Be more creative. Expand my learning and skill when it comes to photography. Get more adept with Photoshop. Sew and craft more.

4. Write my novel.

5. Travel.

6. Do not let petty and negative people get me down.

7. Rediscover the world outside my apartment. Go to see at least one movie a month in the theaters. Read at least two books per month NOT for school.

8. Smile more. Laugh more. Cry less.

9. Learn to be less hard on myself.

10. Learn to be less hard on others.

11. Keep my resolutions. :)

back, sorta.

i survived the holidays!

this isn't to say that i had a good christmas, though. my beloved grandfather has been in the hospital for three weeks and to be honest, wasn't expected to see christmas. he did, however, which was the last time i got to see him. this morning the hospital called and told us that they were removing his IV and such as his breathing has reduced to three breaths per minute. i expect a phone call at any time telling me that he has crossed over.

he's ninety-two and i know from speaking with him that he's ready to go. i'm ready for him to go, too. he's had an amazing life. i am so incredibly honored to be his granddaughter. my father was his only child, my brother and i his only grandchildren. we're his living legacy. this humbles me to the point of tears.

it still made for a sad holiday, though there is one bittersweet thing about it: if he passes tonight or tomorrow, i will spend the first new year's with my family in five years.

we've got quite the winter weather here in KC. i'm impressed by this, seeing as how i've grown accustomed to not having winter until january or february. it is supposed to snow tomorrow for most of the day. it's lovely. i need to get more batteries for my digital and take some shots. i did test out the Pony over christmas and it takes beautiful pictures, but i need to get her cleaned before i really go crazy. that and i still don't have a scanner.

i have decided that this is the year i sort things out. by 'this' i mean 2008. my mind, it is already in the new year.

hope you all had a good holiday.